can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
