chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
