Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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