Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
