There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
this hospital has no fireball
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
