i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
