I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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