I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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