That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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