Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
