I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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