yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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