My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
are you so shy because you have an std?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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