i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
