Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
