So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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