before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
