dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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