so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
