I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
