No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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