Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize