if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
...so i touched it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize