If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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