Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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