WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
