I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
