Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
