I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you didnt know i had herpes?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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