This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
