i'm signing you up for texting rehab
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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