batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
