Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
