I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I puked a lego.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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