please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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