I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
FUCK WHALES
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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