Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
