Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
