Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
