u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
