somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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