Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
