I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
