Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
