I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
