Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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