Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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