i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize