We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
