I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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