i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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