Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
