i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
