i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
