we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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