Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
