my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
not ubering you a puppy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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