thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
