Too much gin, very little bucket
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize