i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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