Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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