your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
