Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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