He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
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he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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