I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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